Starting over.

Welp, we’re officially back to square one.  Already starting over even though we haven’t really begun.

I called my RE’s office last Monday to determine what the next steps should be since I had received the results of my infectious disease screening (in the clear for those so that’s good :)) and clearly have no idea what I’m doing so I needed some guidance.  The nurse proceeded to tell me that the next steps will be finding a new clinic to go to because they are CLOSING.  CLOSING.  I’ve never heard of a clinic closing before.  Also, one would think that a clinic affiliated with the U of M would be somewhat reliable, but apparently not.  She told me that I would be getting a letter in the mail explaining everything (as if that’s going to somehow make me feel better).  She recommended another place in Minneapolis (where we went last June for the IVF seminar), so I reached out to them and have my first appointment May 7th.

Side note: I got the letter a couple of days ago and it said that 3 of the RE’s there have decided to go into a private practice and that is why they are closing.  They also wanted to let me know that they will be teaming up with a new fertility clinic coming to Minneapolis with a focus on training for the doctors attending med school at the U.  Having a bunch of newbs poking around down there?? Hard pass.

I would have thought I would be more upset over the news but in all honesty I’m sort of relieved.  I never got the warm fuzzies with the clinic at the U, or with the RE I was seeing there, so maybe this will all be for the better.  My OB also went to the new clinic I’ll be going to for IVF (and she’s pregs right now so I’m assuming it was successful) so it’s nice to know that someone went there and received the desired outcome.

My husband finally told his parents that we’re on this IVF journey.  Unfortunately, even though my mother in law is a nurse, she still doesn’t seem to understand it.  It was brought up at some point this weekend when we were visiting them and she gave the whole ‘oh, you just have to relax and stop trying and it will happen.’  I was slightly intoxicated at this point and had the balls to respond with ‘actually no, if there are no eggs and no sperm, nothing will ever happen here.’  She just laughed it off and kept saying ‘just stay positive’ and all that typical bullshit.  I’m fairly certain my husband was in the same boat up until our first RE appointment and he heard the ‘85% of couples conceive within the 1st year and 90% within 2 years and oh, you guys have been trying for 3?.. Yeah.. Probably time for some help..’ so at least now I know where he gets it from 🙂  Add that confrontation and sprinkle in the MILLION pictures my mother in law has of my sister in law’s baby girl all over her house and I would say it was a fairly annoying weekend.  I guess I can’t expect even the most educated medical professionals to understand infertility.

There have been SOOOO many success stories and BFP’s with a lot of the ladies that I follow on here and I absolutely love it, it really gives me hope for the future so please don’t disappear people!  Here’s to hoping that I catch up with the rest of you soon.

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Shit is getting real.

I’m sitting in my RE’s office right now, just got done with day 3 labs and waiting on my husband to finish labs and SA.  I guess we’re really doing this!  This is happening.

Here’s to hoping shit gets real real.  Like screaming baby, poopy diapers real.

change O’ plans

After mulling over our options from our visit with our new RE a couple weeks ago we have decided to change courses.  Instead of coasting through more rounds of IUI we are putting the pedal to metal and riding full throttle into IVF (see what I did there?)

I realize that for some people this may seem extreme, especially seeing that we have really only gone through two medicated cycles.  But deep down I can just tell that isn’t going to work.  I mean really, I have tracked and ovulated on my own DOZENS of times without the use of Clomid, and clearly, none of those times worked to get us pregs.  Also, an IUI really doesn’t give you (statistically speaking) a better chance of conceiving, according to my doctor is just ensures that you have your timing as accurate as it can possibly be.  I’ve never felt that this was an issue with timing, it’s definitely something more after 3 years, right?

My husband is going to talk to the finance lady at the RE office tomorrow and see what the damage will be.  I do have some coverage for some limited infertility treatments under my insurance, but it is legit impossible to get a straight answer out of them as far as what will actually be covered (if anything) for IVF.  Hopefully this lady will be able to give us a good idea at what were looking at in that department.  We’ve already agreed that regardless of the cost, we will move forward and obtain financing if we need to.

This weekend is my little niece’s first birthday.  As much as I freaking love that little blonde nugget, I don’t know that I’ll have the heart to go.  Every milestone in her life has been a painful reminder of something terrible in our lives.  We found out that I had PCOS the day before my sister in law announced that she was pregnant.  We found out that my husband had bad counts shortly before she was born, and now this just marks another full year of ‘failure’.  I wish I knew how to separate the two in my mind.  If anyone has any advice on how to not let this baby jealousy rule my life I would love to hear it.

Here’s to full steamin ahead right into IVF, wish me luck 🙂

RE round 1

We had our first appointment with our RE yesterday.  Before we went I had already decided that I would NOT cry during this thing.  I refuse to shed another tear in front of a stranger over this and apparently compensated by manic laughing at several points throughout the conversation.  Just a fun personality quirk I guess 🙂

He basically just sat down with us and walked through all of our history and at the end presented us with two options that he deemed ‘viable’.  One option would be to continue with Clomid and IUI and the other would be IVF.  I was kind of hoping to hear a more definitive answer as to what we should do moving forward, but he pretty much just threw the ball in our court.  He was more interested in hearing what we thought would be the best next step.  He felt confident that we could hit the 20% range on the IUI if we timed it right and the typical 50% range with each cycle of IVF.

I asked him if he saw any benefits to using an injectible as opposed to the Clomid to stimulate ovulation and he said no.  In his experience the injectibles cause more complications by the way of over stimulation/multiples and that if I keep responding well and ovulating with Clomid there would be no reason to change that.  He thought that my husbands counts weren’t ‘terrible’ but definitely weren’t ideal so there was a still a good chance that IUI would work out for us.

So I think at this point we’ve decided we’ll go two or three more rounds of clo/IUI and then move on to IVF if we have to.  Up next will be an HSG (he was semi-shocked that this hasn’t happened yet) to make sure the old tubes are open.  I’m assuming it will be as painful as an IUI so I’m not looking forward to it.. But I guess I’ll do what I have to do, right?

Here’s to hoping medicated cycles are less stressful when working with the professionals.

Facebook stalking at its finest

I think I may have found out that one of my best friends is pregnant via Facebook today.. Some photography studio tagged her as a winner in their giveaway to win a newborn photography session. I am supposed to meet up with her next week for some dinner and shopping but I can’t stomach the thought of her telling me to my face right now, just thinking about it makes me nauseous.

Here’s to hoping I can come up with a good excuse to cancel.

new year, new doctor

It is approximately 12 to 13 days past ovulation and so far I feel like my normal self (again), so I’m assuming that I’m not pregnant (again).  We pretty much expected that this round would be a bust given that we missed the window of opportunity for the IUI.  Therefore, I am definitely getting the dollar store tests this time around 🙂

Ugh.  I so wish we weren’t dealing with issues on both sides.  There are such limited options for what we can even try with a male factor (IUI or IVF) so I’m slowly getting to the point where I will be OK with IVF.  After an informational seminar a few months ago I severely stated that IVF was not for me (more on that thought at some point), but those 60-70% success ratings are sounding pretty good..

On that note, we officially have our first consult with an RE at the U of M on Monday February 9th.  I cannot wait.  My google stalking revealed that he specializes in PCOS, studied at Cornell and has some pretty trendy glasses.  So all in all I have a good feeling about him 🙂  This will also be my first foray into male doctor-hood…  I mean, a complete change from what we’ve been doing so far can only be good right?

After my excessive binge eating and extreme couch surfing from the holidays I’m worried that my cycle may get messed up again.  Hopefully if I remain diligent this week with healthy eating and exercise I won’t miss a beat.

Here’s to hoping I get off my butt after work each day this week.  And also that I finish the 12 pages of pre-consult paperwork I need to send over to my new dr…

you so Blunt

“I just got this woman,” she added. “She did the most morally questionable things to these poor fairy tale characters because she is desperate for a child — I’ve met women like this. They are blinded by desperation. It’s sad and hard to be around, but I understood that. I’ve seen that.”

Ouch.

Quote from Emily Blunt I found in a Buzzfeed article today… I used to LOVE her!  This just hurts my little heart.

Round two… Bust?

I went in for my second follicle scan this morning and got mixed news..  First off she yelled at me for having a full bladder (which I don’t even know how that was possible since I had peed like 30 minutes before my appointment) and then acted like I was a crazy person for not knowing if we were going to do an IUI this round (apparently it is a foreign concept to everyone in the medical field that I can’t just up and leave whenever I want at work.. I function as a consultant for our sales team so they book my time based on my calendar, I can’t just cancel something at the last minute to run to a Dr appointment).  The good news was the follicle on the right was at a mature size (I think it was somewhere around 21.8) and the bad news was the edges of it were no longer rounded so the ultrasound tech said that I had probably already ovulated.  I was having some of the weird little side pangs yesterday afternoon that I get sometimes when I do ovulate so luckily I got a quick romp session in last night just in case.

The technician asked me if I still wanted to talk to one of the Drs about going through with the ovidrel tonight and the IUI on Friday.  I said why the F would I pay for all of that if I’m pretty sure I already ovulated?  She then asked me if I had been following the cycle with OPK’s and I said no, that they told me not to use those since I have PCOS and they almost never give me a true result, so she said they wouldn’t really have a definitive answer as to whether or not I had ovulated already.  Super.  Just another example of having to re-explain my situation to everyone and I can’t help but feel defensive every time this happens.

Here’s to hoping (again) this time sticks.. (even without an IUI)

To inseminate or not to inseminate, that is the question

This morning I had my first scan for this round and it ended up pretty good.  I have a large ‘mature’ follicle on the right side this time measuring in at a whopping 17.4.  Apparently there were not doctors in the office that early so I had to wait for one of them to call me back with the final say and game plan.  They called me around 10 and gave me the measurements and told me they want me to come back on Wednesday for a second scan (so much for getting out of two scans this time).

Based on the results of that we’ll decide if we are going to go for insemination on Friday or Saturday (I am hoping for Saturday because I really don’t want to miss more work than I need to) or if we’re going to forgo the IUI this time and just go for good ol’ intercourse.  I am debating whether or not the IUI is worth it?  What is your opinion on this?  I know that we’re dealing with a male factor here but part of me wonders if the stress of trying to figure it out and miss work and go through the procedure actually negates the benefits..  From what I think I’ve researched online it only gives us like a 1-3% better chance and if that’s the case is it really worth it?  Or should I just grab onto it and take what I can get?  I wish my Dr could steer me in either direction.. Really all she says is ‘It’s up to you,’ – thanks for nothing doc.  I’m hoping if and when we get in with an RE after this cycle (here’s to hoping that doesn’t need to happen) they will be a much better leader along this journey.  Right now I feel like I have to steer my own course and I hate knowing that I will blame myself every time it doesn’t work out.